My Mental Illness Story: OCD, Depression & Anxiety.

I get offended when people use OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) as an adjective, they think it is synonymous with perfectionism or cleanliness. I mostly get offended by people who claim to have it because they think it is some cute quirk or just to seem relevant.

I have OCD since I was a kid. Only four years ago I discovered I have OCD. Instead of seeking a Psychiatrist, I told myself that I can recover on my own, and that “It’s just a mental illness” “It’s all in my head”

I myself took it lightly back then. It was because I was not aware of it, and it is the same reason why other people take mental illness lightly. They take mental illness lightly because they are not aware of the struggles and suffering of the people who actually have it, at the same time those people who use mental illness as an adjective spread misconception about mental disorders. The more the people hear it used lightly, the more they think it is not a big deal and it is okay to use it whenever they want to.

Here I am four years later, I finally sought professional help after it became detrimental. Four years ago and during my childhood, my OCD was time-consuming. Now, it is more than just time-consuming, it takes the fun away from me and it is debilitating. It leaves me helpless and imprisoned in my own mind.

I was diagnosed with OCD and Depression. After being on medication (Jovia & Valium), I was more productive and my mind was not as loud, but I know cannot depend on medication alone. So I started to form healthy habits like eating right and sleeping on time, working out, and other things to keep my compulsions and intrusive thoughts at bay. Fighting it is not a walk in the park, It is a battle every single day. Some days I win, some days I lose.

I cannot give up. Thanks to my family, my boyfriend, and my SPN family who has been my anchor and my inspiration to fight every single day. Especially to my boyfriend, who has witnessed and also struggled with me. Thank you for reminding me that I can do it, thank you for believing in me, thank you for your patience, & thank you for everything.

As years go by, my OCD has worsened and I cannot help but wonder, what if I had asked for professional help earlier? What if I was aware?

Awareness not only prevents further worsening of a mental disorder, it can also prevent—death. If only people treat mental illness the way they treat physical illness.


Spread awareness.

My illness is not an adjective.

My illness is not a quirk.

My illness is not a trend.

To the brave warriors who fight every single day, remember to always keep fighting, because you are not alone. #SPN

Stay Weird, Dee x



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