I get offended when people use OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) as an adjective, they think it is synonymous with perfectionism or cleanliness, and also to people who claims to have it because they think it is some cute quirk.
I have OCD since I was a kid. Only four years ago I discovered I have OCD. Instead of seeking a Psychiatrist, I told myself that I can recover on my own, and that “It’s just a mental illness” “It’s all in my head”
I myself took it lightly back then. It was because I was not aware of it, and it is the same reason why other people take mental illness lightly. They take mental illness lightly because they are not aware of the struggles and suffering of the people who actually have it, at the same time those people who use mental illness as an adjective spreads misconceptions about mental disorders. The more the people hear it used lightly, the more they think it is not a big deal and it is okay to use it whenever they want to.
Here I am four years later, I finally sought professional help after it became detrimental. Four years ago and during my childhood, my OCD was time-consuming. Now, it is more than just time consuming, it takes the fun away from me and it is debilitating. It leaves me helpless and imprisoned in my own mind.
I was diagnosed with OCD and Depression. After being on medication, I was more productive and happier, but I cannot depend on medication alone. So I started to form healthy habits like eating and sleeping on time, working out, and other things to keep my compulsions and intrusive thoughts at bay. Fighting it is not a walk in the park, It is a battle every single day. Some days I win, some days I lose.
I cannot give up. Thank you to my family, my boyfriend, and my SPN family who has been my anchor and my inspiration to fight every single day. Especially to my boyfriend, who has witnessed and also struggled with me. Thank you for reminding me that I can do it, thank you for believing in me, thank you for your patience, thank you for everything.
My OCD has led me to depression and I cannot help but wonder, what if I had asked for professional help earlier? What if I was aware?
Awareness not only prevents further worsening of a mental disorder, it can also prevent death. If only people treat mental illness the way they treat physical illness.
My illness is not an adjective.
My illness is not a quirk.
To the brave warriors who fights every single day,
remember to always keep fighting, because you are not alone.